The Story of Baby #3
A baby is coming and we just couldn’t be happier or feel more grateful! I’ve talked all about how excited we are over on Instagram, but I have had yet to blog about my feelings about it or the evolution of being terrified in the beginning to being absolutely in love with this baby.
As most of you know, we have had 3 miscarriages in 3 years and each one has been just as devastating as the first one was. The sad thing about getting pregnant after having a miscarriage is that your experience of finding out you are pregnant is tainted, because you’re automatically worried the moment you see that stick is positive. “Am I going to miscarry again? Should I just not get my hopes up and wait until I see the doctor? Should I tell my spouse and possibly spare him from the pain if something happens? Should I even be happy right now?” You feel terrified, happy, scared, sad, excited, worried, anxiety-ridden and hopeful all at once. At least that is how I am. Our most recent miscarriage was back in December and I had to wait a while to want to try again, because with every time you try and you get pregnant, the chance of miscarrying (in my case) is higher than actually having a baby.
So I took the test on March 19th. I honestly wasn’t quite sure if I was pregnant when I took it, all I knew is I had been feeling super tired all the time and I noticed that my usual obsession with Diet Coke had turned into a loathing for the beverage (that happens with every pregnancy in the first trimester, so random I know) and that the thought of having a salad made me literally gag. Oh, and I wanted REALLY cold things, like smoothies. All the usual signs of me being pregnant.
Once the stick was positive I think I sat on the toilet for a solid 5 minutes with my mouth to the floor and my eyes as big as basketballs…just staring at the test. I had the usual panic I have become used to feeling with each test since my first miscarriage. I wasn’t quite sure if I was going to tell Brett (I didn’t tell him about the one in December…he found out about it as I was miscarrying it) because I didn’t want him to get his hopes up. Yeah…that thought lasted about 7 seconds then I called him. He was ECSTATIC! Like I could literally hear him smiling from ear-to-ear over the phone and he couldn’t stop saying how happy he was. It made me feel a little better, but yet, I still wasn’t ready to get excited until I officially saw a doctor.
Brett got home that night and I showed him the proof, and doing that made me a little more happy and my fears started to subside a little:
I called the doctor a couple days later after worrying like crazy, and since they know my miscarriage history, they got me in a day later to see if the pregnancy was viable (you can see the video of that ultrasound visit HERE ) and once we figured out that this little baby as a heartbeat (and a strong one at that!) I was ecstatic!!!!! Obviously I know that there’s always a chance something can go wrong, but with at least two of our miscarriages we never even got to the point of the baby having a heartbeat, so that has been super encouraging and promising!
This is us coming out of the doctor’s office with our baby’s first photo 🙂
Since this visit we have been SO happy! Like Cloud 9 and beyond! I had another visit 3 weeks ago and with that came another ultrasound and I saw the little babe moving and waving and it’s barely-there hands and feet! It was wild because I couldn’t feel it at all (I’m too early still) but knowing and seeing it moving all around like that inside me was just amazing and crazy and wonderful! And it’s just nuts how much bigger it got in just 3 weeks (no wonder I’ve been exhausted!!)! It had a little head and everything!
This baby is already so so loved and we just can’t wait for November! It’s funny, there are times I still forget I’m pregnant because I am so busy running after the other two little boys and I’m not feeling it yet. But, my tummy is starting to grow so it’s getting harder to forget about 🙂
My next post will be all about how I’m feeling and I’ll be answering some fun questions I’ve been getting about this pregnancy 🙂
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